The 9 Year Affair: Lessons in Infidelity
I ended my 9 year relationship in December after finding out on Christmas Eve that my partner at the time had been unfaithful to me and involved with someone else on/off for our entire nine years together.
I spent months grieving the loss of trust, the partner I had built a life with for nearly a third of my lifetime, and the pieces of myself that I had allowed to be lost in the name of maintaining the relationship.
Most importantly I recognized that I had a LOT of work to do on myself.
This process has torn me apart and forced me to look at my own issues head on.
Within days of walking away from the relationship, I realized that my stomach was no longer in knots, and my anxiety which had become increasingly crippling over the previous few months had lifted entirely for the first time in years.
I had been ignoring the warning signs my body had been sending me and invalidating my own intuition for YEARS when certain situations didn’t feel *quite* right.
My perception of my own reality had been manipulated, and the realization that my life had been built on a foundation of lies along with the fact that I had allowed the delusion in which I’d apparently been living to get to this point was eye opening.
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I’m coming forward because we as a society hold a deep amount of shame around infidelity, yet it touches the majority of us in one way or another. The weight of shame is heavy, dark, all consuming, but as Brene Brown says, shame cannot survive being spoken.
My intention is to start a conversation around a topic that affects so many of us deeply.
To ask the hard questions, to take a look inward and see what I was choosing to believe, and to bring integrity to the table rather than dancing around an issue that we often prefer to keep tucked away in the darkest shadows of our lives for fear of judgement, pain and discomfort.
I’ve felt compelled to share my story because it is my truth and a pivotal part of my journey, and this isn’t an effort to bring anyone else down.
By speaking my own personal truth, my sincere wish is to extend hope to anyone moving through their own process that with the darkness comes, eventually, the light.
A reminder you might need to hear right now:
You are worthy of honesty.
You are worthy of love.
You are worthy, and YOU ARE ENOUGH.
I’m beyond excited as I move into this next chapter of my life and have so many incredible opportunities on the horizon, including travelling to some amazing places for awhile.
There aren’t enough words to thank all of the people in my life who have been such a source of love, support and have shown me more grace this year as I’ve moved through this process than I would have believed possible. Your generosity and kindness have completely overwhelmed me and held up an example of what true friendship looks like. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. ❤️
On today’s episode 117 of the Room to Grow Podcast, I’m sharing my story.
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REFERENCES
“We all eat lies when our hearts are hungry.” – Renelle Nelson, @noirxstherapist
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