Infidelity + Taking the High Road

I was told months ago by someone that that coming forward about infidelity in my relationship would make me look like a victim trying to elicit sympathy.

If you’ve been following the #RoomToGrowPodcast for any length of time, you know how strongly I feel about victim mindset (check out episode 24 in particular). So let’s chat for a minute:

Sharing your story doesn’t make you a victim.

You’re allowed to feel all the feelings and move through them in your own way, or to keep your story entirely to yourself. This is a very individual process, and there’s no wrong way to feel.

Moreover, I want to break down this myth we often perpetuate in situations like this that remaining silent is what’s considered to be “taking the high road.”

Why is side stepping integrity taking the high road?

We cannot silence the truth and then be surprised when we’re given lies.

Isn’t the high road about choosing the most ethical course of action in a difficult situation?

It’s often not about what’s easy or popular, but about what’s right. And I will no longer remain silent about a conversation that we too often hide from in shame, because doing so only serves to perpetuate the shame and sense of unworthiness that goes along with it.

I come forward not as a victim, but simply as one voice amongst many on the various “sides” of the conversation around infidelity.

I made choices to remain in the relationship that my body was telling me was slightly off, even though I wasn’t connecting the dots and chalked it up to insecurity on my part, making the conscious choice over and over again to trust my former partner instead. That was my decision and I don’t regret it for a moment, because the lessons for which I’ve traded nearly a decade of my life are invaluable.

Not only that, but prior to this relationship, I had no idea I was capable of that kind of deep love, and that brings me nothing but joy and hope. To know that I was able to love someone that deeply and completely is actually quite beautiful, and I choose to cherish that rather than berate myself for missing some signs.

Many people will not agree with my choice to speak my truth, and I’m ok with their discomfort. Speaking my truth, while certainly not the easy choice, was a very simple decision to me.

I could continue to live under the weight of the lies that had been crushing the life from me, or I could release them and use the telling of my story to help myself further heal, and hopefully offer some small token of comfort or hope to someone who needed it at the same time.

For the full story, check out episode 117.


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