Forgiveness Isn’t Found, It’s Earned: Doing the Inner Work

“To err is human. To forgive, divine.”

-Alexander Pope


When I posed some upcoming episode ideas on Instagram stories, forgiveness was one of the ones that drew the most attention. And I can understand why, because it’s an incredibly complicated and complex issue for so many of us.

Not only that, but it takes a great deal of strength to forgive someone who isn’t sorry and to accept an apology you’re never going to get. Harder still is forgiving yourself for the things you did when you didn’t know any differently.

Forgiveness is ultimately for ourselves. It’s for us. Many times, the people we are going to either want or need to forgive may not ever hear or comprehend the forgiveness and what it took to get there

Forgiveness isn’t found, it’s earned. It’s hard work. It’s not for the faint of heart. It takes massive strength and new levels of compassion, and forgiveness requires you to stare in the face of your own mistakes and take a hard look at what you may have spent most of your life avoiding.

This episode covers a lot of ground and is going to push you to challenge yourself. Some of the topics covered:

  • Examining misconceptions around forgiveness
  • The sense of empowerment that comes with forgiving
  • Finding purpose and meaning in shitty situations
  • Using hope as a catalyst for growth
  • Finding gratitude in your current and past circumstances
  • Why forgiveness isn’t about the words, but about the feeling

“Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.”

Steps to Take Towards Forgiveness:

  1. Give yourself time.
  2. Allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel.
  3. Journalling
  4. Write a letter to yourself and/or to anyone else you need to forgive.
  5. Ask questions of yourself: what actions did you take to end up here?
  6. Have empathy and compassion, step into someone else’s shoes.
  7. Burning ceremony – once you’re ready to release what you’re hanging onto.



Room to Grow Podcast episode #117, The 9 Year Affair: Lessons in Infidelity

Room to Grow Podcast episode #72, Somatic Therapy & How Trauma Shows Up in the Body with Ailey Jolie

Room to Grow Podcast episode #24, Victim Mindset with Christina Montalvo


Want to join the conversation or connect with Emily? Connect below!


Emily Gough Coaching

Room to Grow Podcast

[email protected]

Instagram @emilygoughcoach

Facebook: @ Emily Gough Coaching


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Questions? Comments? Want to connect and chat? You can email me at [email protected], or DM me over on Instagram @emilygoughcoach with any questions, comments, or takeaways! Plus, I would absolutely love to connect with you and thank you for listening in real life. It makes me day to see you listening to the podcast and fills me up with pure joy. Seriously. See you on the ‘gram!

Questions? Comments? If Instagram and Facebook aren’t your jam, send me a good old fashioned email! [email protected]



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